i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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