i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
