When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
