I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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