Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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