You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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