apparently the secret to your success is patron
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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