Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
