I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
