This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
