This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
