A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Come share oat with me in your robe
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
