Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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