she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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