Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
