somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
where are my eyebrows?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
