omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
