it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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