...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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