everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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