About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
