I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
