if you like me you must not know who I am
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
