): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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