just come out here and I will go home with you...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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