After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
