mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
