Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
