TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
