I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
