if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
