Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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