if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
