Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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