im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
