I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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