i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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