I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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