Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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