I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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