I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
