i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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