Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
