It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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