chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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