I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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