I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
