I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
