i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
