i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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