I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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