PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
