What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
